On Monday I was going to write a post entitled “We’re Doing Fine!” I was feeling optimistic coming out of a 4 day weekend in which I’d spent every free moment preparing for the week ahead. I even bought gas for the car when the yellow light came on!

But by the end of the day on Monday, there wasn’t enough time to post if I also wanted to drink a glass of wine while watching an episode of Insecure. That’s my carrot on a stick these days, if I get everything done by 10pm, that’s how I reward myself. 

By everything done I don’t mean folding all of the laundry, which is clean but hasn’t been put away in 3 weeks. I also don’t mean going out to the recycle bin in the cold or bathing the kids. Just the bare basics, dinner, clean up, breakfasts, lunches, getting the kids to school fully clothed, and to bed with teeth brushed. Showering.

Tuesday was not so great, the kids gave me a hard time in the morning, and the evening. Exhaustion was beginning to set in from going nonstop. And when I woke up this morning I thought: Oh god please help me because it’s only Wednesday. 

By 7:00am I was in tears. 

I once read this article by a single mom talking about how offensive it is to her when people use the phrase “Single Momming It” when their partner is away for the evening, or sick, or even gone for a few days or a week. I never used that phrase again. 

This is really hard, this knee replacement business. Normally, Shane cooks dinner, cleans up, folds laundry, buys gas and toilet paper, does the grocery shopping, helps with the kids, takes care of the car, lifts the heavy things, changes batteries, and that’s just the start. He was there when I gave birth, he was there for those newborn days. He’s still here, even though he can only sort-of walk.

And it’s exactly because he’s here—in the other room or on the couch or doing PT or whatever—that no matter how hard this feels right now, I’m sure it’s nothing compared to being a single mom. And I appreciate my partner all the more.

I wrote this post on the train.

P.S. My amazing brother-in-law brought us Franke Pepe’s.